Oh Sleep, where art thou?

Today I woke up feeling drained. Mwagala kept waking up last night. She had started sleeping through the night but these days it's getting harder for her to make it through one night. And that is exhausting. Mostly because she doesn't sleep well during the day. (That also explains why I'm finding it hard to find time to blog).
Anyway, I woke up exhausted. And feeling overwhelmed. So I went into complaining mode. I complained about not getting enough sleep. About her crying for no good reason (as if). About my weight. About her being too clingy. The list went on and on. After a few hours of feeling sorry for myself. I looked at Mwagala as she nursed and my heart melted. She looked so peaceful. So beautiful. I think it's her way of making me fall in love with her all over again :-)

I stopped my complaining and began to thank God. I thanked Him for my beautiful baby girl. For her health. And for her smile. Her smile makes me feel better. It's like a slice of sunshine on a gloomy day.

I know that there are a lot of things that I would like to be able to do. Like sleep through the night, or not feel  hungry all the time because I'm still nursing. I would love to have my pre-pregnancy body back so that my clothes can fit again. But for now I'll let all those feelings take a back seat. You can't be a mother without making some sacrifices and the love I feel for her is worth every single sacrifice. I love being her Mama. Even though I can't plan my day and expect it all to go as planned she is still the apple of my eye. And she has taught me to be selfless.

So today I may have woken up feeling drained, exhausted and overwhelmed but I will keep reminding myself that I'm blessed to be a mum. Blessed to have a beautiful, happy, energetic little girl who steals my heart each time she calls out 'Mama'.

I'm in love. It's an exhausting kind of love but it's worth it and I'm blessed. One day she'll be all grown up so I'm going to take the good and the bad days as they come and purpose to enjoy them.