Mwagala’s personality is developing everyday. She makes
herself laugh and throws her head back as she does so. She complains when
something does not go her way. She dances at the sound of a rhythm. She crawls
up to me and says ‘Mama’ then once I’ve given her my full attention she holds
her face up to mine and lingers as if to say “I love you’ (this is my
favouriteJ).
Today it rained. Hard. Mwagala does not really like the
rain. She was nursing when it started but she stopped nursing and held on to me.
Then the hail started coming down. And my laptop happened to be in a dangerous
place where the rain could get to it. So I put her down so that I could grab it
and place it somewhere else. She was mad! And scared. I actually hadn’t
realized how scared she was until she cried. My heart broke. That something as
small as a rain storm could scare her reminded me that she needs me to reassure
her sometimes. She doesn’t know what this world is all about and she needs me
to help her realize that a rain storm is not so bad.
So I held her. I held her and rocked her to sleep. And she
kept holding onto me until she was fast asleep. I will keep that moment in my
heart. The moment when nothing else made her feel safe but me holding her in my
arms. I’ll remember the way she looked at me while I assured her that
everything was alright.
And I’ll always remember that she is a person. A little
person with emotions that she may not fully understand but that need to be
dealt with and that I need to be the one to help her figure them out.
Well, until she thinks she knows better J
