Spouse or children - which comes first?

For some time now I have heard this question being asked. Who is a priority - your spouse or your children? Most times this question is followed by comments on how one cannot begin to fathom how a woman can place her husband over her children. And most times I do not join in the debate. But today I will let you know what I think.

My husband is my priority. He always has and always will be. I started this with him – just us two. My daughter is part of our family but she has no stake in my marriage. That is between my husband and I. Now, I love my daughter very much and I really cannot compare the love a mother feels toward her child to the love I feel for my husband. They are different and are both very intense. But when it comes prioritizing I know that my daughter needs to grow up seeing her parents in a loving, selfless relationship. She must see that love gives unselfishly and that her parents think of each other as important. She must see that we are a team. A team in teaching her what life is all about. A team in loving her. A team in disciplining her. A strong united team. And I cannot do that if I think less of my husband. I must actively show her that I think her father is worth respecting and loving. That he is worth her admiration. Otherwise, if I place her above him we become a team against her father.

I know that many women will be amazed when they read this. Some may even label me a bad mother. I’ve heard people say that one can always find another spouse but your kids will always be yours. In my opinion, if you treat your spouse like he or she is replaceable then you will, most likely, be replaced. And isn’t that what is killing our marriages? The fact that we go in with an exit clause? We don’t expect it to last so we always look out for what will make if fail. It’s no longer a matter of if, it’s a matter of when. And so we turn our attention to our children. We do all we can to make sure they turn out right without giving much thought to our spouse. But we forget that when God made the family he intended the parents to be a strong united team. He had a plan. Don’t mess with it or it will mess with you.

I know that my parents love me. I know that I’m very important to them. But I also know – beyond the shadow of a doubt – that they value their relationship way above mine. And I’m glad I got to see that. I got to see that a man cherishes and loves his wife – just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for it. My parents’ relationship made me feel secure. And I want that for my kids.

My marriage must be strong for my family to be strong. 

Shredded pork & K.A.H.I.N.I Day

A few weeks ago I had K.A.H.I.N.I day. My kahini is Eleanor. We've been friends for a long time and because we're so close and 'sisters' doesn't explain our relationship well enough we came up with a word to describe our relationship:
K - Kindred spirits
A - Accept
H - Hearing (Listening to each other)
I - Intercede
N - Never leave
I - I love you

We were apart for quite a number of years since we were at different universities and she was not in the country so now that are back in the same country we're having Kahini day every month - which is basically a day for ONLY kahinis :-)

And we share a common love for anything meaty so it was only natural that we make shredded pork on our kahini day. It's a recipe I pieced together and I hope that you'll enjoy it too.

Ingredients

• 350gms pork
• 250 gms bacon
• 2 large bell peppers (green)
• 2 large onions
• Soy sauce
• Worcestershire sauce
• BBQ Sauce
• Garlic powder
• Ground mixed spices
• Corriander
• Ground white pepper

Note: The spices, soy sauce, worcestershire sauce and BBQ sauce should be used to taste.

• Chop the onions in rings or as shown below and the green pepper in strips.

• Cut the pork into strips. 
• Cut the bacon into bite size pieces. 
• Fry the bacon in a non-stick frying pan.
• Put the bacon in a separate dish and then fry the pork on medium heat in the fat from the bacon, add salt, white pepper and garlic powder.

• When the pork is ready (dark brown) increase the heat and add the bacon, green pepper, onions, mixed spices, corriander, BBQ sauce, soy sauce and Worcestershire sauce.

Yum yum!!! Especially with the garlic thyme potatoes. This is the recipe for the potatoes.

It was a fabulous day! :-)

Learning to be nice....

 
I'm an emotional person. When I'm happy it's obvious and when I'm not happy it's even more obvious. If I don't like someone I can't help but show it - no matter how hard I try one day I just snap!

The hubby is a sweetheart. He will give his biggest enemy the best seat in the house and speak to them as if he were speaking to an old good friend. Don't get me wrong, he will not talk about them behind their back and he won't be pretending he likes them - he genuinely does. In fact I'm usually the one who will be the meanie and he will ask me to be nice.

For a long time I knew this about myself but now that I live with someone who is the complete opposite I feel even more ashamed. Case in point: We have a neighbour. A little boy aged about 8. The hubs and I love kids so when we moved to this apartment we were glad to find a kid who was friendly. His mum doesn't give him enough attention so we thought we'd reach out to a boy who felt unloved. He would come over to our place and we'd give him a drink and he'd talk with the hubby. We soon found out that when he got back home he'd discuss a lot of things that had taken place in our house. What he'd seen, what we own - you get the picture? Since we're farmers we have a lot of food and he began to ask for it and we'd get no thank you from his parents. RUDE!!!!!!

Then he started knocking on our doors at all sorts of hours. As long as he saw the car in the drive way he'd come right up. 9 am on Sunday mornings, 3pm on Sunday afternoons, 9 am on Saturday mornings. I mean we are 'newly' weds - can you give us some space??!!!

Needless to say, I was not amused! I immediately began to cut him out of my life. I mean, I don't want a gossip in my house or someone who is snooping around to see what we can give him. And I'm not sure what his parents ask him about us. Generally, I don't trust the kid.

The hubby on the other hand is as sweet to him as he has always been. He's been able to show him the boundaries in a very diplomatic way. While I resorted to 'the angry eye' he would sit and talk with him on the stairs and let him know that we're busy getting ready for church or we want to relax after a long day at work. Me? I didn't want to see him near me.

Now, I know that he's just a kid and that it's probably his very rude parents fault that he is the way he is but it does not change the fact that I don't want him taking all sorts of information to them. Therefore, I don't want him in my house.

But let's face it, I need to learn to be nice to the kid. The fact that I 'ignore' him just makes him think that all women are mean. To be honest when we get home and he's playing outside his eyes light up when he sees my hubby. And yes, sometimes I shoot him the 'do not disturb' look but he's just a kid and I need to learn to be nice. The hubby has clearly set the boundaries so we don't get visits at odd hours so now I need to smile at him, ask him how he's doing. You'd think it would be easy but it's not. Especially for an emotional person like me.

They say that you become more like your spouse the longer you are married - I really hope that I pick up on the quality of always thinking the best of people and being nice to people no matter what they do to me because they probably don't know any better. Lord, please!!!!

Do any of you struggle with being nice to people you don't trust? And how do you deal with it?