Spouse or children - which comes first?

For some time now I have heard this question being asked. Who is a priority - your spouse or your children? Most times this question is followed by comments on how one cannot begin to fathom how a woman can place her husband over her children. And most times I do not join in the debate. But today I will let you know what I think.

My husband is my priority. He always has and always will be. I started this with him – just us two. My daughter is part of our family but she has no stake in my marriage. That is between my husband and I. Now, I love my daughter very much and I really cannot compare the love a mother feels toward her child to the love I feel for my husband. They are different and are both very intense. But when it comes prioritizing I know that my daughter needs to grow up seeing her parents in a loving, selfless relationship. She must see that love gives unselfishly and that her parents think of each other as important. She must see that we are a team. A team in teaching her what life is all about. A team in loving her. A team in disciplining her. A strong united team. And I cannot do that if I think less of my husband. I must actively show her that I think her father is worth respecting and loving. That he is worth her admiration. Otherwise, if I place her above him we become a team against her father.

I know that many women will be amazed when they read this. Some may even label me a bad mother. I’ve heard people say that one can always find another spouse but your kids will always be yours. In my opinion, if you treat your spouse like he or she is replaceable then you will, most likely, be replaced. And isn’t that what is killing our marriages? The fact that we go in with an exit clause? We don’t expect it to last so we always look out for what will make if fail. It’s no longer a matter of if, it’s a matter of when. And so we turn our attention to our children. We do all we can to make sure they turn out right without giving much thought to our spouse. But we forget that when God made the family he intended the parents to be a strong united team. He had a plan. Don’t mess with it or it will mess with you.

I know that my parents love me. I know that I’m very important to them. But I also know – beyond the shadow of a doubt – that they value their relationship way above mine. And I’m glad I got to see that. I got to see that a man cherishes and loves his wife – just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for it. My parents’ relationship made me feel secure. And I want that for my kids.

My marriage must be strong for my family to be strong.