Ebinsanyusa :)

This post is late but better late than never right?

So this week ebinsanyusa:

• I got my push present on Monday – a new set of rings! I was sooo excited! I love them! My jeweller did a good job. 

• Mwagala has slept for 9 hours straight through the night 3 times so far and I’m very VERY happy about this. I discovered that even though she was playing a lot during the day she wasn't spending all her energy so now I make sure she is tired enough to sleep through the night. Tonight she even fell asleep without breast feeding. She just started dozing in her high chair. Hahaha! 

• The one thing I've always wished I could change was on me is my nails. They never grow long and if they do they break almost immediately. This week however my nails have grown longer than they ever have and they haven’t broken! I almost can’t recognize them :-)

Spouse or children - which comes first?

For some time now I have heard this question being asked. Who is a priority - your spouse or your children? Most times this question is followed by comments on how one cannot begin to fathom how a woman can place her husband over her children. And most times I do not join in the debate. But today I will let you know what I think.

My husband is my priority. He always has and always will be. I started this with him – just us two. My daughter is part of our family but she has no stake in my marriage. That is between my husband and I. Now, I love my daughter very much and I really cannot compare the love a mother feels toward her child to the love I feel for my husband. They are different and are both very intense. But when it comes prioritizing I know that my daughter needs to grow up seeing her parents in a loving, selfless relationship. She must see that love gives unselfishly and that her parents think of each other as important. She must see that we are a team. A team in teaching her what life is all about. A team in loving her. A team in disciplining her. A strong united team. And I cannot do that if I think less of my husband. I must actively show her that I think her father is worth respecting and loving. That he is worth her admiration. Otherwise, if I place her above him we become a team against her father.

I know that many women will be amazed when they read this. Some may even label me a bad mother. I’ve heard people say that one can always find another spouse but your kids will always be yours. In my opinion, if you treat your spouse like he or she is replaceable then you will, most likely, be replaced. And isn’t that what is killing our marriages? The fact that we go in with an exit clause? We don’t expect it to last so we always look out for what will make if fail. It’s no longer a matter of if, it’s a matter of when. And so we turn our attention to our children. We do all we can to make sure they turn out right without giving much thought to our spouse. But we forget that when God made the family he intended the parents to be a strong united team. He had a plan. Don’t mess with it or it will mess with you.

I know that my parents love me. I know that I’m very important to them. But I also know – beyond the shadow of a doubt – that they value their relationship way above mine. And I’m glad I got to see that. I got to see that a man cherishes and loves his wife – just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for it. My parents’ relationship made me feel secure. And I want that for my kids.

My marriage must be strong for my family to be strong. 

Valentine's Banquet

Usually we don't celebrate Valentine's Day. I have nothing against it but I just don't pay much attention to it. Anyway, this year our church decided to have a banquet in honour of Valentine's Day for married couples and couples in committed relationships at the Kampala Serena Hotel. So we decided to go and have some fun.

We sent Mwagala off to her grandparents' house and got all dolled up for the event. It was awesome! The food was good, the music was fantastic and my date was so much fun :) The photos were taken with my phone so they are not the best - sorry :(

The venue

The 5 course menu - yum!

Me & my handsome date :)

The centrepieces

We had a great time. It was nice to have a date night. It's so easy for us to focus on Mwagala and forget to have time for just us.

And I had to get my hair done before the dinner so I drove to the salon and back all by myself in a manual car! I was super proud of myself. No more excuses :)

Us....

I recently saw this Q and A that Faith at Life.Love&Marriage did and I enjoyed reading her answers so much that want in on the action! lol! So here goes.....

How long have you been together?

It will be 3 years next month.

How long did you know each other before you started dating? 

About 4 years.... We were not close though.

Who asked who out? 

Um... there was no asking really... it was more like "So we're serious about this right?" But he made the first move...

 

Did you go to the same school?

Nope.

Who is the most sensitive?

He is.

What about pets?

None. He wants 5 dogs!!!! Not on my watch! I can't stand animals...

 
Where do you eat out most as a couple?

We love Indian food coz it's so spicy and tasty so we have a lil' indian restaurant in town that is ALWAYS our default place to eat out.

 

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?

Egypt for our honeymoon :-)

  

Who has the worst temper?

I do *hanging my head in shame*

 

Who does the cooking?

I do most of it but we cook together. He does the drinks, I do the food. 

 

Who is more social?

He is. He can start a conversation with anyone! When we're stuck in traffic he'll start up a conversation with the person in the car beside us. Weird!

Who is the neat freak?

Hmmmm... He is I think. When I arrange something I disorganise it soon after :-(

 

Who is the most stubborn?

Me.... First born syndrome...

 

Who hogs the bed?

He does. Ha! But I try to understand because he's too tall to fit comfortably.

Who wakes up earlier?

He does. Weird!

 

Where was your first date?

Kirk Franklin concert. Kirk had a big hand in our relationship. *Sigh* Me thinks they had it all planned...

 

How long did it take to get serious?

About 2 to 3 months.

 

Who eats more?

I'd like to say he does but I think it's me :-( I snack a lot.

 

Who drives when you are together?

He does. I'm scared of driving in Kampala but one day I will face my fear.

 

Who is the first one to admit when they’re wrong?

He is. It takes me a while to find my tongue.... heehee!

 

Who wears the pants in the relationship?

He does.

Who eats more sweets?

He does. I have a very very small sweet tooth.

          

Hmmmm.... Isn't marriage interesting? :-D

 

What's happening?

I've been trying to write this post since Monday but I couldn't put my feelings into words. Now I can.

I'm sad. Very sad and worried. Over the last few months I've heard about a lot of couples that are going through some major issues. It makes me sad that there are couples who are married and can't stand each other anymore. I've always known that there are broken marriages and what causes the problems but it was never this close to me. It was always some movie star or some random person in the papers but never someone that I knew.

But now the list of couples that we pray for seems to be growing. What hurts me even more is it feels like an attack on marriage that is a direct representation of the relationship Christ has with the church.

One day I'm going to have children and I'm worried that they will not see enough loving marriages amongst our peers like I did with my parents. I want my daughters to marry men who are sincere and love them as Christ loved the church and I want my sons to marry women of virtue who value God and their families above any worldly possession. I want them to experience the kind of love that I share with my husband - unconditional love. I want them to have spouses they can count on.

Each time I hear about a broken marriage my heart goes out to them. It's so painful to feel betrayed but when one feels betrayed by a spouse it's a lot worse. I will continue to pray for them. That God will bring healing. That their children will experience the unconditional love of Christ and not become bitter. That somehow they will be able to find the love they shared and mend their marriages.

But for now I'm sad. Sad that so many hopes have been crushed and that so many couples are hurting :(

Prophecy?

Tomorrow will be our 8 month anniversary. (I know several people think I'd better stop counting the months but I can't help myself!!!)
Anywho, since we got married in May both our matron of honour and our best man have added to the members in their families. Our matron and her husband had a baby boy in August while our best man and his wife had a daughter in December.

Baby Amy - precious isn't she? Born to our best man and his wife

Baby Josiah - my Captain Adorable!! Born to our matron of honour and her husband

Prophecy?? Heehee!!! All I know is that I'm enjoying having babies around me because it helps calm my nerves! No kidding!

Now, as you may (or may not) know I LOVE babies and so several of my friends and relatives were pretty sure that I'd be very heavy by now. However, I have disappointed them ;) Some of them have secretly decided that I'm pregnant so when I bump them they simply ask how far along I am (heehee).

In the beginning this was quite amusing but I grew tired of it. My grandmother also pulled me aside and made it clear that she wanted a great-grandbaby soon! Whoa! Last time I checked the only person I'm supposed to be talking to about babies with is my handsome farmer man right? RIGHT!!!

In Uganda children are so important to the extended family. The other day I read about a lady who has failed to conceive in her 8 years of marriage and so wants to get her husband a girlfriend a girlfriend who will bear him a child. Sound familiar? Sarah and Haggai all over again- I think...
Much as I respect the importance my culture places on child bearing I also realise that they are a gift from God and a happy marriage is important in a family. We want to build that firm foundation before we think of bringing little people into the world. Make sense?

So maybe our best man and matron of honour having babies within 7 months of our marriage is a sign of things yet to come - I sure wouldn't mind - but maybe we need some more time to discover ourselves and fall in love all over again as newly weds... :)

Did any of you experience some pressure to have a baby soon after your wedding?

Stay-home mum misconceptions

 
I want to be a stay home mum once the kids start coming. In my opinion being a mother and wife is the most important thing that the Lord has given me to do. I can have a job and still give my family enough attention but I don't want to do it that way. My decision to stay at home has not been met with kind words from quite a number of people. There are a lot of misconceptions about stay home mums and I'm sure some of you have heard them before.

Recently, I was involved in a discussion on stay home mums with two gentlemen and I was the only one supporting the idea. Let me list down some of the things that are said about stay home mums which I believe are far from the truth:

• Stay home mums don't do anything the whole day. Well, I'd like to see a stay home mum  have 8 hours of nothing to do while the little ones run about the house doing whatever they want. Stay home mums probably have a lot more work to do than working mums. They have to feed the kids, clean the house, change diapers, make sure the kids don't wreck the house and still have a meal on the table for the hungry hubby when he returns. Now, doesn't that seem harder than sitting at a desk all day typing on your computer or sitting through meetings? 
• Stay home mums have zero ambition. On the contrary, stay home mums have A LOT of ambition. They want to make sure that their husbands and children succeed at everything they get their hands on. Gone are the days of housewives who were semi house maids. These days the stay home mum can work from home while keeping an eye on her young ones. It allows her to have a flexible schedule and to be her own boss. Ambitious? I think so.
• Stay home mums don't take care of themselves. At some point all of us women get too comfortable and stop doing our hair and nails every week, we start to wear cotton pyjamas instead of the sexy lingerie we started out with and many times this happens even before the kids show up. Am I right ladies? Sure its hard to stay in touch with fashion when you have kids and have put on some weight but it does not make it impossible. Every woman needs to stay on top of their appearance and it takes a little work. Sometimes we may get a bit lazy but we need to give ourselves a good scolding when we do because our husbands and kids need to be able to say with pride "Look at my mum/ wife."  My point is you don't have to be a stay home mum to 'lose' it. You may have to work a little harder but it's NOT impossible.
• Being a stay home mum makes one dull and they never know what's happening out in the world. Seriously?????? Have you not heard of the internet???? There are good books to read too. In this day and age there really is no excuse for staying in the dark.

I remember telling a friend of mine who is a stay home mum that I would like to do the same. She looked me straight in the eye and asked me if I was ready for it. When I asked her what she meant she explained that there will be a lot of people who will look down on me for choosing to stay home. She said sometimes people don't want to involve you in intelligent discussions because they don't think you'll be able to contribute. I told her that I was up for the challenge and I believe I am.

People have asked me why I would go to school, get a good degree, work for a while and then give it up to look after my husband and kids. First of all, I did not go to school in order to get a job at the end of it. I believe my parents took me to school so that I would get educated and be able to exercise my intelligence. Therefore, school should have taught me how to seize the opportunities that come my way and should have improved my social skills.

Women have the gift to multitask and the special grace that God has given them to raise a family. I respect women who work and raise families - my mum is one of them and she did a wonderful job. It's hard to do both and one has to make sure they have enough time for the family but it is possible.

I wish I could say that I can do the same but I can't. I want to be with my kids whenever I want to and to watch them grow into the men and women that the Lord wants them to be. Yes, I went to school and I'm intelligent but I have decided to be a stay home mum because I will feel more accomplished in that role. Please note that I'm not criticizing working mothers. I'm just saying that single mums have jobs too - 24/7 jobs along with rather difficult bosses :) and its ok to be educated and decide to stay home. 

I'm looking forward to spending time with my babies, cooking for my family and watching my family grow.

What do you have to say about stay home mums?

All I wanted for Christmas....

Was a new phone. And now it's here!!!!! I'm so excited! It started out as a joke. I kept telling my hubby that I'd like an iphone because my phone was falling apart (literally) but I really didn't think I would get one. Then he told me that if I really wanted it that's what I'd get. I could not believe it!!!! I was super excited!!!!

So the search began. I wanted the iphone4 and we looked around for one within our budget but we couldn't get one that was unlocked on our budget. Then we thought maybe we should get the iphone3GS. But when I asked around I found out that an HTC would be much better than the 3GS. My brother's girlfriend had the HTC Desire so I took a look at it and fell in love. And the price was right up our alley. We had a friend order it for us and I began the 'long' wait.

It arrived on the 31st and I got it yesterday!! It's as lovely as I knew it would be. Here she is - the HTC desire....

Yes, I'm that crazy about gadgets!!!! The next few days will be spent discovering my phone. My hubby is worried that I will not might not speak to him for a while because I'll be attending to my new phone. We'll see :-)

Thank you for the gift honey :-)

7 blissful months!!!

Today is our 7 month anniversary!!!!!!! Time flies doesn't it? Feels like just the other day I was walking down the aisle to meet my husband to be.... such a magical moment :-) I thank God for leading us on this incredible journey. There is so much to be thankful for and so that's what I'm going to do.

I'm thankful for my amazing husband. He truly is the head of the home- I have no problem submitting to him because I know that he always listens to the Lord and is lead by him. I'm thankful that our friendship has continued to deepen and we're learning so many things about each other.

I'm thankful that marriage is fun!!!!!!!! I used to hear lots of people say that marriage is more of a duty but I'm having such a good time I feel like I was missing out!!!

I'm thankful for my in-laws - they've been so good to me. I have no in-law horror stories!!!!

I'm thankful for the Lord's provision. A wedding can really distort your savings and leave you kinda broke but the Lord provided for our wedding through our friends and family and has continued to provide for us these last 7 months - I don't take that for granted.

I'm thankful for my family that has been supportive (I don't think my husband has any in-law horror stories - lol!!)

I'm thankful that God is teaching me how to love my husband more each day, how to honour Him in my marriage and how to trust Him and keep Him at the centre of our lives. I don't know what I would do as a wife if I did not have that guidance.

And finally, in a world that is full of broken marriages, I'm thankful that each time I think of my husband I smile, that I just can't wait to see him at the end of the day and that we share an ever deepening love for each other.

Rebekah and Isaac

I went to bible study on Monday and we read a passage on Rebekah and Isaac that reminded me of the time when I was walking down the aisle....
Genesis 24: 63-64; "He went out to the field one evening to meditate,^[f] and as he looked up, he saw camels approaching. ⁶⁴ Rebekah also looked up and saw Isaac."

I think it was so sweet that when they both looked up the first thing they saw was each other. It also reminded me that in my marriage I should only have eyes for my husband- just like I did on my wedding day. Nobody else should steal my focus.

Another thing that got our attention is that Isaac had gone to meditate when he looked up and saw Rebekah. He had his focus set on God and then he found his wife. God gave me my husband and if I focus on God I will enjoy my marriage to the full because He is the author - He knows exactly how it should go!

It also amazed me that Rebekah and Isaac experienced what I did on my wedding day - feeling like they were the only two people who existed. They experienced it centuries ago and I experienced it 6 months ago - God's design surely is the same yesterday, today and always!!!!

This post goes out to all those who have experienced that feeling and will always look back on it with fondness. May it remind you that God is in your marriage and His way of doing things is always the best.